What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 16:51
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why do people stop working towards achieving their dreams?
All the time i was locked up.
But it wasn’t much.
I will be 64.
Im still living with it.
She found it foreign!.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Was to survive, this bastard.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He knew the spot.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But, we were locked up after school.
Why do many women like tall men?
I could never make a relationship work though!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Can being annoyed be a sign of getting angry?
I was 9 years of age.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Is the Trump-Zelenskyy meeting a preview of what the US is going to do to Taiwan?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She married twice! .
What happens to single guys when they get older?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was scared of men, in general
When she asked me how she looked .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was seconnd youngest,
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My ex got into a relationship within 2 weeks after a breakup. What should I do?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He resisted the act ,that day.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My family never makes their pension either.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
So whats the point in blame.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
What did i know ?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And i lived it daily.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Who then, do I blame.?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
One cannot live in the past .
We all went to grammer schools
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I write beautiful poetry .
This is soul school!.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My life is so biszare .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I said to her
I have no regrets .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was very sick at this time too.
It was going to be , some day.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I think the readers, may guess!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I don,t even have a pension.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Especially a lifetime of it.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She loved him until the end.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We were not on the streets..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I never cut or harmed myself..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I couldn’t, believe it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was in good health!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Ive learnt so much.
Put me off passion for life!!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But ive been too sick for many years..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Would this be the day?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I waited trembling.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She wouldn,t have been !
Comes on , in middle age.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!